What?
What?!
WHAT!?!? You've never seen a man eat a strawberry-rhubarb tart?
Monday, April 23, 2012
Audition Day in Pictures
Photographs from audition day. Courtesy of Shane.
Laura and Detroit Angie: They are smirking because they've been making lewd comments about the male actors who auditioned. Power corrupts.
Laura shows Ben the Facebook profiles of the male actors she is stalking. Ben knows this wrong, but he is too afraid to say anything.
Mark. He actually behaved himself during auditions. Really.
I don't know why he looks so happy here. He probably doesn't know either.
In theory, we were supposed to assign scores to the prospective actors.
Pretzels and Shortbread. Isn't that the name of a Falco album?
Seriously, what are you laughing at?
What?
What?!
WHAT!?!? You've never seen a man eat a strawberry-rhubarb tart?
What?
What?!
WHAT!?!? You've never seen a man eat a strawberry-rhubarb tart?
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Auditions!
So, we had a full day of auditions yesterday.
We all arrived to Second City early to settle in and meet Joe. Joe gave us a run-down of what we were going to do for each of our four sessions of auditions: actors come in, actors introduced themselves and announced their favorite breakfast cereal as a kid, actors did brief improv scenes with two or three people, actors then were called out in threes to do ninety-second scenes, and actors then got assigned to do cold readings of sketches.
Speaking of sketches, Joe had a list with two sketches for each writer as a short list for the show. There were no big surprises from the selections, but since I cannot remember all sixteen, and don't want to give anything way, I am not going to try to re-create the list. So there.
We saw several familiar faces during auditions, and we had some good laughs from some of the improv. We also had some good laughs from the cold readings. It's interesting to see other actors' takes on the roles. We've been together as a group for a while, and I think we assign roles to people in class having an idea of how they might read them. That goes out the window when complete strangers get assigned the roles.
After all the rounds of auditions were completed, we had some difficult decisions to make: the actors' information had to be put into three piles: yes, no, and maybe. Some actors were put in the "conflict" section: Life events cause you to miss too many rehearsals? Out. Missing for a show? Out. Missing for the first reading of sketches? Out. Missing an hour of every rehearsal? Out.
We had a fair amount of consensus on putting people into the piles. We then went to a conference room to whittle it down to three men (and one alternate) and three women (and one alternate). We decided on the three women fairly swiftly, but there was some short debate about the alternate. We also selected two of the men fairly swiftly, but then had three more candidates for two spots. We debated. We politicked. We finally narrowed it down. The process was surprisingly painless. Joe told us that the process takes longer when people are set on a particular actor and won't budge. We didn't have that dynamic, thankfully. On the whole, our group does a good job of keeping drama to a minimum. Whew.
I've been on the other side of the table as a prospective actor. Doing the decision making is certainly easier, but it was more difficult than I thought it would be.
Next time there will be actors to introduce!
We all arrived to Second City early to settle in and meet Joe. Joe gave us a run-down of what we were going to do for each of our four sessions of auditions: actors come in, actors introduced themselves and announced their favorite breakfast cereal as a kid, actors did brief improv scenes with two or three people, actors then were called out in threes to do ninety-second scenes, and actors then got assigned to do cold readings of sketches.
Speaking of sketches, Joe had a list with two sketches for each writer as a short list for the show. There were no big surprises from the selections, but since I cannot remember all sixteen, and don't want to give anything way, I am not going to try to re-create the list. So there.
We saw several familiar faces during auditions, and we had some good laughs from some of the improv. We also had some good laughs from the cold readings. It's interesting to see other actors' takes on the roles. We've been together as a group for a while, and I think we assign roles to people in class having an idea of how they might read them. That goes out the window when complete strangers get assigned the roles.
After all the rounds of auditions were completed, we had some difficult decisions to make: the actors' information had to be put into three piles: yes, no, and maybe. Some actors were put in the "conflict" section: Life events cause you to miss too many rehearsals? Out. Missing for a show? Out. Missing for the first reading of sketches? Out. Missing an hour of every rehearsal? Out.
We had a fair amount of consensus on putting people into the piles. We then went to a conference room to whittle it down to three men (and one alternate) and three women (and one alternate). We decided on the three women fairly swiftly, but there was some short debate about the alternate. We also selected two of the men fairly swiftly, but then had three more candidates for two spots. We debated. We politicked. We finally narrowed it down. The process was surprisingly painless. Joe told us that the process takes longer when people are set on a particular actor and won't budge. We didn't have that dynamic, thankfully. On the whole, our group does a good job of keeping drama to a minimum. Whew.
I've been on the other side of the table as a prospective actor. Doing the decision making is certainly easier, but it was more difficult than I thought it would be.
Next time there will be actors to introduce!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Picture Page!
Some photographic footage from yesterday's creative process. All photographs courtesy of Shane Swinnea.
Shit Gets Real
So, we had an action-packed day of sketch reading and decision-making yesterday.
We did not have a specific assignment to write for class, just bring in new stuff that hadn't been presented before in a final push to get things considered for the show. We read new stuff for the first half of class, and then we did an inventory of everything that we submitted during the term and assigned production roles for the show.
As usual, I arrived a few minutes late, just as the group was finishing a sketch involving a waxing procedure known as the Titanic. This was originally Mark's baby, but he teamed up with Detroit Angie for this version. I suspect Detroit Angie provided valuable assistance in that female specialty of the passive-agressive insult masquerading as a compliment. (I grew up with two older sisters and eavesdropped a lot as a child, I know what I'm talking about.)
Shane and Laura also collaborated and came up with a sketch involving the urban legend of "Bloody Mary." (I didn't know about this urban legend. The craptastic film "Candy Man" was evidently based on the same premise.) Anyhow, Bloody Mary doesn't really kill you when she arrives. She's just a buzzkill of life-altering proportions. That's all I'll say about that.
Detroit Angie and I also collaborated. Our sketch was supposed to have been the submission for worst sketch ever for the previous week, but I couldn't make it. Ours involved the many parallels between writing and going to the bathroom. We also tried to incorporate as many items as possible from Joe's list of ten things that people should stop doing in their sketch revues. One thing we took away from this sketch is that Dan does an exemplary job of improvving a college-aged woman with Tourette's Syndrome.
Next up we had Brian with a very funny sketch built around the premise of revenge dating. This is getting short treatment only because I do not want to give too much away. Needless to say, a very funny concept, and Brian may have found a way to make some serious money outside of comedy by starting a website founded on this very premise.
Ben had a spoof of dance competition movies. Very funny stuff and very funny juxtapositions of dancing styles matched with horrible late 80s and early 90s pop music. There was also a high school named after an 80s B-list celebrity.
Mark contributed a fantasy gone wrong. A nerd tries to make a pleasure machine for himself. "She" isn't buying what he's selling. This sketch made me sad, because I fear it was perhaps an autobiographical work. We will soon launch a paypal fundraising drive to send Mark to Amsterdam to lose his virginity. (Little known fact: after a decade without intercourse, you re-gain your virginal status.)
Detroit Angie had an extremely funny sketch built around a stock phrase of self-conscious (and full of shit) white Americans from coast to coast: "I'm not a racist but ...." In fact, I think "I'm not a racist but ..." is part of the official mottos for the City of Cicero, IL and Macomb County, MI.
Brian contributed another new sketch that was built around a sick bed. The priest giving the last rites revealed some of the Catholic Church's secrets to the dying woman. This heightened very well, and the last line had us in stitches. If Brian is Catholic, he would probably be excommunicated. Now, that's comedy.
Dan contributed a very funny sketch involving a where are they now episode of Oprah Winfrey involving the kids from Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Included in this sketch was an extremely funny title for a book in the born-again Christian genre. We had a lengthy discussion about the Willy Wonka movie afterwards. I haven't watched this movie since I was nine or ten. It may be worth a second look.
My "new" contribution was a re-write of a sketch involving an aristocratic East Coast family with a quirky thread running through its blue-blooded male lines: cross-dressing. In fact, we learn that the family owes its continued existence to she-malism. Joy!
Shane rounded out the new stuff with a funny take-off on the government's over-reaching in the name of national security. He does such a great job of getting the details right in his work: whether it's puns or absurd names for pieces of legislation. This sketch was a great example.
With the new stuff out of the way, we got down to bidness. We had to provide the essential info for each of our sketches on an index card: title, author(s), cast breakdown by sex, one line synopsis, and any props needed. From there, we lined all of our cards into a column. We then had to go to our column of sketches and initial three cards. This part of the process was sobering. You look at what you've contributed and (if you're like me) think, "Shit, that's all I've got to show for the past seven weeks?" After you initial three of your cards, you then go to every other person's column and initial one card/sketch. After that, it's in Joe's hands. He estimated he'd whittle it down to twelve pieces by next week when we have our auditions.
The final order of business was assigning production roles: stage manager (Mark), papermeister (John), music and special effects (Laura), graphics (Shane), props and costumes (Angie and Dan), "Mom" (Ben, which means Mark will now make jokes about having sex with Ben), and "Swing" (Brian, which means he gets to have sex with everybody in the group).
So, that was it. No homework for this week. All we have to do is show up early for auditions and look very stone-faced and humorless during the entire process. Should be easy and very fun.
We did not have a specific assignment to write for class, just bring in new stuff that hadn't been presented before in a final push to get things considered for the show. We read new stuff for the first half of class, and then we did an inventory of everything that we submitted during the term and assigned production roles for the show.
As usual, I arrived a few minutes late, just as the group was finishing a sketch involving a waxing procedure known as the Titanic. This was originally Mark's baby, but he teamed up with Detroit Angie for this version. I suspect Detroit Angie provided valuable assistance in that female specialty of the passive-agressive insult masquerading as a compliment. (I grew up with two older sisters and eavesdropped a lot as a child, I know what I'm talking about.)
Shane and Laura also collaborated and came up with a sketch involving the urban legend of "Bloody Mary." (I didn't know about this urban legend. The craptastic film "Candy Man" was evidently based on the same premise.) Anyhow, Bloody Mary doesn't really kill you when she arrives. She's just a buzzkill of life-altering proportions. That's all I'll say about that.
Detroit Angie and I also collaborated. Our sketch was supposed to have been the submission for worst sketch ever for the previous week, but I couldn't make it. Ours involved the many parallels between writing and going to the bathroom. We also tried to incorporate as many items as possible from Joe's list of ten things that people should stop doing in their sketch revues. One thing we took away from this sketch is that Dan does an exemplary job of improvving a college-aged woman with Tourette's Syndrome.
Next up we had Brian with a very funny sketch built around the premise of revenge dating. This is getting short treatment only because I do not want to give too much away. Needless to say, a very funny concept, and Brian may have found a way to make some serious money outside of comedy by starting a website founded on this very premise.
Ben had a spoof of dance competition movies. Very funny stuff and very funny juxtapositions of dancing styles matched with horrible late 80s and early 90s pop music. There was also a high school named after an 80s B-list celebrity.
Mark contributed a fantasy gone wrong. A nerd tries to make a pleasure machine for himself. "She" isn't buying what he's selling. This sketch made me sad, because I fear it was perhaps an autobiographical work. We will soon launch a paypal fundraising drive to send Mark to Amsterdam to lose his virginity. (Little known fact: after a decade without intercourse, you re-gain your virginal status.)
Detroit Angie had an extremely funny sketch built around a stock phrase of self-conscious (and full of shit) white Americans from coast to coast: "I'm not a racist but ...." In fact, I think "I'm not a racist but ..." is part of the official mottos for the City of Cicero, IL and Macomb County, MI.
Brian contributed another new sketch that was built around a sick bed. The priest giving the last rites revealed some of the Catholic Church's secrets to the dying woman. This heightened very well, and the last line had us in stitches. If Brian is Catholic, he would probably be excommunicated. Now, that's comedy.
Dan contributed a very funny sketch involving a where are they now episode of Oprah Winfrey involving the kids from Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Included in this sketch was an extremely funny title for a book in the born-again Christian genre. We had a lengthy discussion about the Willy Wonka movie afterwards. I haven't watched this movie since I was nine or ten. It may be worth a second look.
My "new" contribution was a re-write of a sketch involving an aristocratic East Coast family with a quirky thread running through its blue-blooded male lines: cross-dressing. In fact, we learn that the family owes its continued existence to she-malism. Joy!
Shane rounded out the new stuff with a funny take-off on the government's over-reaching in the name of national security. He does such a great job of getting the details right in his work: whether it's puns or absurd names for pieces of legislation. This sketch was a great example.
With the new stuff out of the way, we got down to bidness. We had to provide the essential info for each of our sketches on an index card: title, author(s), cast breakdown by sex, one line synopsis, and any props needed. From there, we lined all of our cards into a column. We then had to go to our column of sketches and initial three cards. This part of the process was sobering. You look at what you've contributed and (if you're like me) think, "Shit, that's all I've got to show for the past seven weeks?" After you initial three of your cards, you then go to every other person's column and initial one card/sketch. After that, it's in Joe's hands. He estimated he'd whittle it down to twelve pieces by next week when we have our auditions.
The final order of business was assigning production roles: stage manager (Mark), papermeister (John), music and special effects (Laura), graphics (Shane), props and costumes (Angie and Dan), "Mom" (Ben, which means Mark will now make jokes about having sex with Ben), and "Swing" (Brian, which means he gets to have sex with everybody in the group).
So, that was it. No homework for this week. All we have to do is show up early for auditions and look very stone-faced and humorless during the entire process. Should be easy and very fun.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Craptacular!
[I missed class on Saturday. But I know that America -- and some readers in Russia of all places -- demand to know what's going on with this creative process. This week brings an exciting guest writer in the form of the Niagran Nightmare himself, Buffalo's own Mark Peters.]
Thanks to John for letting me fill in as group historian, by which I mean he’s holding my dog hostage until I do it. Damn you, John! Damn you straight to hell! You’re a terrible man!
Anyhoo, Saturday was a fairly hilarious class. Our assignment to write the Worst Sketch Ever may have resulted in the best bunch of sketches of the whole term, which I guess was the whole point. With inhibitions kicked, everyone’s id or whatever went batshit bonkers. We also brought in revisions and other new sketches. Some of the highlights:
Shane’s new sketch involved sperm, some historical figures, and genocide (always a good combo). I seriously hope this sketch is in our show, because it was hilarious.
Detroit Angie (also known as The Spicy Catwoman of Detroit) wrote a sketch about adorable kittens.
Laura’s sketch was timely, since it was about Jesus on this most holy Easter weekend. She also wrote about a catastrophically hilarious date, in which I learned some ribcage-related moves I’m planning to break out on that pretty lady at the bus station.
Ben brought in a whopping four sketches, which were all very good. That’s a lot of quality and quantity, so I think I might have to kill him out of jealousy. I’ll make it look like an accident. Maybe something with poison or an elevator shaft. Or cinder blocks.
Man, no one reads this, right?
My sketches dealt with aliens, vampires, zombies, and ejaculations. Not that kind, gutter-brain! More like ew, ow, and doh.
Brian had a crazy-ass sketch about baseball that was 9000 times more entertaining than baseball.
Dan had a Titanic-related sketch that I particularly enjoyed since I got to perform in it. Great concept. Man, with no John, the acting opportunities in class opened up. Note to self: kill John too. [Let me get my life insurance in place first. -- John]
Next week is one last chance to bring in sketches that could be considered for our show, and we’re also going to start picking sketches. You know this process is going to be intense because it will involve INDEX CARDS. That’s when shit gets real.
OK, I guess I'm done because my dog just bit John in the Charlie Browns and escaped. Good boy! Ew, except for the ball breath.
[Read more of Mark's stuff at http://wordlust.blogspot.com/ ]
[Read more of Mark's stuff at http://wordlust.blogspot.com/ ]
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Make It Crappy
A rare midweek post. The assignment for next week is to write the worst sketch imaginable. Funny, the command to write something crappy has resulted in writer's block. That shouldn't be. The whole point of writer's block is convincing yourself that anything you write will be shit. This assignment should be liberating in that the goal is to produce something shitty.
Better get on the ol' literary toilet and start straining my way through this constipation of the mind.
Better get on the ol' literary toilet and start straining my way through this constipation of the mind.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
More Class
This slacker was late to class again yesterday. My tactic to buy goodwill from my fellow writers? Cannoli for all. A new deli opened in Logan Square, Half-Italian, and their cannoli have a very beneficial effect on my mood and outlook on life. So, everybody got one in class yesterday because yours truly was late.
I was so late that I missed the re-writes of the songs from last week. So, no update on Ben's fledgling Broadway sensation: "Menstruation! The Musical." Fortunately, we did have re-writes. Brian re-wrote a sketch about the Texas Rangers at the Alamo. It was a damn good re-write. The purpose of this blog is not to provide too much detail about our pieces, and I hope I don't overshare, but pubic hair can be used as a weapon.
Laura re-wrote a sketch on plagiarism that was ripped from her life experiences. (She's not a plagiarist, but she did have to engage in the dangerous mission of bringing a suspected plagiarist to justice.) I personally liked the ending. Our group has a tradition of sorts: when you get stuck writing a sketch, have a fire-breathing dragon come in and destroy everything. Works every time.
Shane tweaked his sketch in which a blues man gets more than what he bargained for when he attempts to reach a deal with the devil. There are some very hilariously offensive bits brought to life by song. And that brings us to Mark's contributions. He took a swipe at the Catholic-priest-paedophilia piñata. Joe's advice was that the offensive bits should be done through song, because you can get away with outlandishly inappropriate humor more easily through song. Can't wait for that re-write!
This writer took another crack at his suicide sing-a-long. Sigh. It's still a work in progress.
More news about our show:
Auditions will be on Saturday April 21, 2012 from 1:00 p.m. through 4:00 p.m. The show will be on Friday nights in Donny's Skybox at 9:00 p.m.: June 29, July 6, July 13, and July 20, 2012.
In other news:
My Improv Level E show will be on Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 12:00 noon in the ETC theater. Jawohl, Mutterfickers!
Ben and I got to do some Improv together last night. We were part of an auxiliary performance to the 43rd Annual Biggest Liar Competition, which was held (appropriately enough) at a funeral home. It was quite a bit of fun. We'll have to do more of that one of these here days.
I was so late that I missed the re-writes of the songs from last week. So, no update on Ben's fledgling Broadway sensation: "Menstruation! The Musical." Fortunately, we did have re-writes. Brian re-wrote a sketch about the Texas Rangers at the Alamo. It was a damn good re-write. The purpose of this blog is not to provide too much detail about our pieces, and I hope I don't overshare, but pubic hair can be used as a weapon.
Laura re-wrote a sketch on plagiarism that was ripped from her life experiences. (She's not a plagiarist, but she did have to engage in the dangerous mission of bringing a suspected plagiarist to justice.) I personally liked the ending. Our group has a tradition of sorts: when you get stuck writing a sketch, have a fire-breathing dragon come in and destroy everything. Works every time.
Shane tweaked his sketch in which a blues man gets more than what he bargained for when he attempts to reach a deal with the devil. There are some very hilariously offensive bits brought to life by song. And that brings us to Mark's contributions. He took a swipe at the Catholic-priest-paedophilia piñata. Joe's advice was that the offensive bits should be done through song, because you can get away with outlandishly inappropriate humor more easily through song. Can't wait for that re-write!
This writer took another crack at his suicide sing-a-long. Sigh. It's still a work in progress.
More news about our show:
Auditions will be on Saturday April 21, 2012 from 1:00 p.m. through 4:00 p.m. The show will be on Friday nights in Donny's Skybox at 9:00 p.m.: June 29, July 6, July 13, and July 20, 2012.
In other news:
My Improv Level E show will be on Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 12:00 noon in the ETC theater. Jawohl, Mutterfickers!
Ben and I got to do some Improv together last night. We were part of an auxiliary performance to the 43rd Annual Biggest Liar Competition, which was held (appropriately enough) at a funeral home. It was quite a bit of fun. We'll have to do more of that one of these here days.
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